Smoking
by AniZH
Summary: Beck wants to smoke weed for the very first time and asks Jade to watch him during that, so he doesn't end up doing something stupid. Jade decides that she will not just babysit, but also try it then. The drug makes Beck share with Jade, how she changed him.
1. Chapter 1

Welcome to this little fic that's supposed to become sort of a two shot. Though it's rather two one shots that are slightly connected, which is why I want to upload them into the same fic. Both are about Beck/Jade and smoking weed, though the second one (again) takes place during their break-up. But this one first.  
As I gather, even in California, neither was it legal back when Victorious aired, nor is it legal nowadays to smoke weed if you are underage, so Beck and Jade do commit an offence/ a crime here. I won't advise you to do that or even say it's okay by writing this fic. Or to say it directly: Don't do anything illegal, kids. ;)  
I got the idea for this because of the episode Breakfast Bunch, where I think it's safe to assume the gang is taking drugs. As Jade and Beck have apparently tried before...  
I hope this one shot isn't too all over the place, but I tried to get a "stoned-vibe" in, so...  
Yeah. Enjoy. :)

* * *

"Have you ever smoked pot?"

Jade looks up in surprise. Well, the question must have come out of nowhere for her. Sure, a character in a show they watch, has mentioned smoking weed in passing right before advertisements. Still... Jade can't know that Beck has thought about smoking weed a lot lately; she can't know he thought about it at all). It somehow has started when a classmate mentioned in a talk with Andre and him that he gets his best ideas for songs when he's stoned. Which made Beck blink a few times, while Andre didn't seem too confused. Well, they are in LA and it's not too unusual. Every adult seem to at least have tried it once. But they are only sixteen.

Beck guesses that a lot of their classmates have already tried anyway. Or at least some of them. He has heard about it before, after all.

He's sure, Jade hasn't actually done it yet. It's something you would possibly expect of her. With the way she dresses and always is just so... out there, she possibly seems like a person who would do drugs, especially as it's forbidden. Who at least would have tried it already. But she doesn't do drugs, just like she is a good student, which a lot of people also wouldn't assume.

But maybe, she has tried it after all. They are already a couple for almost two years now and usually tell each other about everything, but he think it's possible that... maybe, Cat wanted to try and asked Jade to do it with her, so Jade did and for some reason she never told Beck about it.

He doesn't know. In any case: She always has an answer. She always is smart about everything. Even if she has never tried it, she can certainly somehow tell him what it's like to smoke weed or if it's totally dumb for him to try.

Jade just looks at him for a moment, and he gets a little afraid that she takes offense, because his question may sound like he assumes she's smoking weed. But she doesn't.

Instead, she now asks: "You want to?"

That's so her, easily understanding him, understanding what he wants, even if he doesn't outright say so.

He shrugs. "Sometimes, I wonder what it's like." If it's really such an amazing feeling.

Jade doesn't look at him in a judging way after that. She never does. At least never seriously. She never thinks less of him for anything he ever says.

"I never did any kind of drug," she now answers. "But I know my neighbor smokes regularly. I could ask him for some for you to try."

Well, and again, Jade delivers the answer. Yes, he does want to try, but he feels unsure about it. He feels unsure if he can just... take drugs. He wouldn't even have known how to get some. But yeah, maybe that is one of the reasons he wanted to talk to Jade about it. Because he knew she would take it this easy and would actually be able and willing to get him the drug.

If it's this easy and he wonders so much about it... He totally should try it, right? But he has heard so much about the effects and most sound amazing, but some also don't. What if he's one of those people reacting really badly to weed?

"Will you do it with me?" he therefore asks. Just so she's around to... watch him. To make sure he doesn't go down a dark road or he does something crazy he will regret afterwards. He trusts Jade more than anyone.

Jade seems amused. "Are you pressuring me into taking drugs?"

He smiles. Obviously, he isn't. Now, he also adds: "Well, I would like you to be with me while I do it but you don't actually need you to smoke too. But... I heard that some people get really scared when they are high. I think you could help me then." Because he feels safer around her than around anybody else. "Or if I feel so giddy that I want to... start running around naked or something."

Jade smirks. "I would let you, you know."

"You wouldn't," he knows. "I trust you to keep an eye on me."

"So, I'm supposed to babysit you?" Jade asks and... well... Beck guesses he does want her to babysit him in a way, which is why he doesn't correct her.

She considers for a moment, before she says: "Then, I'll definitely smoke some as well, before I have to babysit you sober. Hopefully, we don't both react badly to it then."

She smirks again and he does too. He's pretty sure, at least one of them will be fine. And this means that Jade actually is interested in trying too and also trusts him enough to have the drugs potentially take over around him.

He's sure it will be fun. And another first they'll share.

.

.

.

They plan to do it for the weekend after next for which his parents leave him home alone. They travel to Canada to visit family and he has to endure some fights and a lot of talks until they leave him home alone with the option of calling them back at any time. Gosh, he's sixteen, not six. He is able to stay home alone for a weekend. On the other hand... he totally is planning to smoke weed that same weekend, so maybe his parents worry rightfully.

Jade already comes over to the RV that Friday evening. She has told her mother she would stay over at Beck's. Jade's mother also doesn't like them sleeping over all that much, but if Jade decides something...

Jade has brought a joint over, which she has successfully gotten from her neighbor. That same neighbor has apparently been glad to help out, has rolled her the joint, has told her to do her first time in a safe space, to only smoke it slowly to know when it's enough, to possibly do it in a group as it's more fun that way, to have lots of food and water ready. He has also told her how to light it exactly.

She has told him about it and now offers him the joint and the lighter she brought.

He looks down at it. So, this is it. He takes a deep breath, is about to take the joint out of Jade's hand, but... he doesn't actually know how to smoke it. He doesn't understand what Jade said about lighting it. He doesn't want to look like a total idiot. (Though it would be okay in front of Jade.)

His hesitation now makes her roll her eyes. But she understands that he still wants to smoke the weed. He is just unsure about how to do it.

"Let me start," she promptly decides and so, she does. She takes the joint between her lips and then carefully lights the tip (that seems to just consists of paper).

She doesn't take deep breaths until the fire reaches the drug itself. Then, she inhales, takes the joint out and promptly coughs up what she just breathed in.

Then, she hands him the joint. He takes it, but watches her closely.

"And? Do you feel something?" he carefully asks.

She smirks. "I don't think it will start that quickly."

Yeah, that makes sense. He should also take a hit. He is the one who wanted to do it after all. And he still does want to do it.

He inhales and promptly has to cough it up, just like Jade.

.

.

The more often they take a hit off of the joint, the easier it gets though. And Beck also quickly realizes that he actually knows the smell of marihuana. At least one of his neighbors must also smoke regularly, which he hasn't known before. All of his other neighbors therefore must be used to the smell as well and probably won't come to inquire, even if it now comes out of the RV. Which means that he can not just have the A/C running but also have the door open, without alerting anybody to what they are doing. But he's only talking shortly to Jade about it without actually getting up to open the door. He just stays where he is, weirdly relaxed.

Jade and he are both extremely relaxed and laugh way too easily. The thing is: They both know. They are even able to talk about it while they are pretty much stoned.

The joint is soon gone, so is the pizza they ordered before.

Jade seems a little all over the place. At one point, she notices herself: "I have the attention span of... like..." She looks around as if to search for something she can compare herself with. Only after a while, she looks back to Beck, blinks and asks: "God, what was I about to say?"

Beck can't help but laugh. She's serious. She wanted to talk about her short attention span and forgot what she wanted to say within the sentence. That's just perfect.

Though he probably laughs too hard. He laughs too hard about everything at the moment. He feels like every feeling inside of him is more intense, weirdly.

Jade furrows her brow and hits him harder than necessary: "Hey. Are you making fun of me, ass?"

He still laughs somehow, while rubbing his arm she hit. He answers earnestly though: "Never." Then, he shoves her himself. "Come on, lighten up."

And curiously enough: That makes her grin again.

.

.

At some point, Jade suddenly gets up and starts dancing to some imaginary tune. Or not imaginary. Beck isn't sure in restrospect when he tries to remember the moment, if Jade actually sang while dancing or if Beck just had a song in his head that fit perfectly with Jade's dancing.

She pulls him up to dance with her, though he feels so lazy through relaxation. Well, but she's always the one to keep him up his feet, to actually make him move in some way. Literally, but mostly figuratively. Not just while stoned.

So, they start dancing together, somehow moving from some cray tune to a slow one, pressed closely together.

.

.

Beck is pretty sure days have already passed, when he finally has the feeling to sober up slightly. He has glanced to the clock in sort of a panic in between, as if it could already be Sunday evening and his parents could walk in any second. But it's barely two hours when he starts getting the feeling of sobering up.

He also grows a little tired – Jade as well.

They are lying on the floor together now, where they have sort of dropped after the dancing, just staring at the ceiling. Maybe, they have also done that for hours already.

Suddenly, Jade says: "You will never get the smell out of your RV."

Beck instantly sits up. "Oh, my god. My parents will know." Because yes, he can still smell the joint now though they are long done smoking it.

Jade snorts as she sits up as well: "Don't be an even more gullible wuss than usual. Of course, the smell will get out. Your parents are gone for the whole weekend. You will just leave the door open the whole time and have the A/C running."

That quickly calms him down again. This whole up and down, which he is experiencing as every feeling seems more intense, the good and the bad, is a little exhausting. Though he thinks it would be even worse to stay all panicky. But Jade easily keeps him from that.

She now continues in a disregarding voice: "And your parents would only be angry at me anyway. They would think I made you smoke pot."

Beck stares at Jade. God, they would, wouldn't they? If his parents would ever find out about this, they would assume Jade made him smoke, though it was pretty much the other way around. But his parents always deem him perfect and Jade as the worst thing that could have happened to him. They are always out to find flaws in her. They always talk bad about her, insult her.

And Beck runs to Jade every time, because he needs to talk about it, because it also hurts him. Which is why Jade knows how much exactly his parents hate her. Which is why she gets hurt over and over again by them.

"I'm so sorry about my parents," he says, grabbing Jade's hands.

She squeezes his, as she answers: "Don't be."

And she always is so good about it. She always lets him vent, though she gets hurt much more through his parents than he does. She always calms him down and hugs him and tells him not to worry, that it's fine that his parents don't like her.

He always lets it slide. Suddenly, he feels the need to not let it slide anymore, just as rash as his panic or his amusement since he started smoking. "No. I am. And I love you so damn much, Jade."

She smirks again, beautifully like she does: "Is that the pot speaking?"

He knows she just wants to ease the tension, and usually, he would've gone with it. A few minutes ago, he would have gone with it as well, stoned as he has been. But sobering up feels kind of heavy for him, like the weight of the world is coming back to him, like he suddenly needs to tell Jade of every one of his feelings before he's back to normal, before he closes up again.

She just needs to know about this. He gets a whole lot closer to her, both still sitting on the floor, holding hands. They never have been too far apart from each other, but now he's definitely all up in her personal space – not that she complains.

Intently, he says: "No. It isn't, I promise. I do love you so incredibly much. You know, Jade..." He looks into her eyes and just continues, without thinking much, without hesitating, just right out of the depths of his heart: "I always try to be a good person. I don't want people to dislike me. I don't want people to get angry with me. But that makes me behave like a person I'm not." Always just pleasing people around him.

"You are the first person in my life... that's just okay with me. I can just be who I am, who I truly am, and know you will always accept me. You are able to even take my weird sides, my... wrong sides." She hasn't even really stopped when he suddenly asked her about smoking weed. Instead, she was right there with him. He honestly probably wouldn't have dared to try it out if it wasn't for Jade. Which his parents would totally misunderstand. But she just lets him feel free to try everything, to explore life.

"You can handle me being imperfect. You still love me. I show you my real self all the time and you love it." He even fights with Jade and she may get angry at him often, but she can handle it. She can actually handle him just the way he is, explodes quickly, but also easily calms down and takes him with her all the time. It's weird and amazing to never have to be afraid of what you say or do around a person because they might get angry, but still love you all the same. "You are the only one who knows the real me, and loves me. Even my parents hate the person I really am."

Jade has just listened to him, but quickly cuts in, as he says that last thing in a sort of desperate voice: "They don't."

"They do," Beck says. "In front of them, I'm only truly myself when it's about you and they hate it. They hate me."

Jade pulls her hands out of his, but only to put them onto his cheeks, taking his face. "They don't, Beck. They don't."

And though at this moment, he feels terrible about his parents because he does sometimes doubt if he can truly be himself around them, Jade is able to calm him down again. Just the look in her eyes, her rough voice.

He decides and knows it's true: "I don't care, as long as you love me. You love me, don't you, Jade?"

The funny thing is that he doesn't need her to answer. She doesn't say it often but he also doesn't need to hear it often. And to prove exactly that, he says: "I see it in your eyes." He lies his own hands on her hip, which she immediately moves forward to meet them at least a tiny bit. "I see it in the way you react to my touch." He leans forward and kisses her, before he breathes: "I see it."

She breathes back: "I do love you, Beck."

They kiss again, then he whispers: "I love you, too. You are everything. You truly are."

And while they kiss another time, she lets go of his face, just to let her hands wander over his body. Before he knows it, he lets himself fall back and pulls Jade over himelf, lost in deep kisses.

.

.

Beck feels sober again after they had sex. The drug can't be out of his system yet, but the effects must be gone for the better part. He is sure, Jade feels the same.

And while they are still lying next to each other on the floor again, both still catching their breath, he thinks again about what he just told her.

Well, he has to clear something up. Sure enough, most of what he said in his still sobering stage, was the absolute truth. He might have never told Jade before, how much she actually means to him, might have not even known that clearly before, but yes, she is the one who made him the person he is today. The person that's just himself.

But telling her that everything is alright as long as she loves him? That sort of puts pressure on her. That's almost like saying he would kill himself if she would ever leave him. He never wants to put her under pressure like that.

He just wants to get into it, wants to tell Jade about that, when the girl already sits up and says: "Well, that was some trip."

He has to smile, as he sits up as well. It certainly was. And he could imagine doing that again some day. Though: "If we ever smoke pot again, possibly together with other people, make sure we are alone when it gets back out of my system."

Because everything before was fun (even the panicky feeling, looking back on it), but that sudden urge to get all serious with Jade, to talk to her like that? It's fine around her, but to imagine that happening with other people? The thought irks him a little.

Jade promptly smirks again. "Don't want anybody to see the real you?"

He has to smile as well and kisses her. God, he loves her so much.

Even more so, when she runs her hands through his hair after the kiss: "I'll keep babysitting you." How can that promise somehow sound so loving and beautiful?

They share another kiss, before he finally says: "You know... I do know my parents love me. All of me." Even though he sometimes doubts how much they like his weirder and darker sides, how much they would love to ignore them. They might not like everything about him; they still love him.

Anyway... "But... you are still the person who made me find my real self and who makes me feel safe enough to be exactly that."

At least around her, he lets everything out, he speaks all his thoughts, he tells her about his darkest desires.

She takes his face in her hands again, looking him deep into the eye, as she says in a scolding manner: "Don't be so cheesy."

And yet, she kisses him softly, and even softer come the words: "I love you, Beck."


	2. Chapter 2

Welcome to the second chapter of this two shot.  
This one takes place during Jade and Beck's seperation. Yes. I almost get annoyed by myself for writing so much about that period of time. I feel like I have already too many stories about that. But, well... This one sort of handed itself to me when I was halfway through writing the first part of this story.  
Thank you to alicheriee, Invader Johnny, the Guest and sayyouwontletgo for the reviews!  
Have fun reading!

* * *

Something isn't right. Something isn't right at all.

It was great at first. He also wasn't worried. It was just a joint, or rather a few, split between all of them. He smoked before. And not just once.

He was relaxed through it most of the time. Yeah, also somewhat panicky, but the rest of the guys just laughed about it and somehow it was also fine for him again.

But he's slightly sobering up now and... it just feels so damn heavy. Unlike the times he has smoked before. Yes, it always has felt heavy, but not as much as right now.

It's because of Jade, he knows it. He feels so terrible, because she isn't here as well. It's just them guys, Andre, Robbie, Rex and five others. In Andre's parents house, while his parents are gone for a trip.

But Jade should be here, too. The first time he smoked weed was with her. And every time since then was as well. And now, he's here without her?

Before he knows it, Beck finds himself in the bathroom, calling Jade.

It takes ages for her to pick up and when she does, she sounds irritated: "What?"

He furrows his brow, distracted from his own feelings. "Are you angry, Jade?"

Jade doesn't answer his question, but totally does sound angry, as she harshly asks: "Why are you calling?"

Right. "I'm hanging out with Andre and Robbie and... what are their names?" He tries to remember. God. They are classmates of his. But what does he care? He doesn't consider them friends. So, he doesn't care. About their names. Or them, to be honest.

He still tries to think of their names, but Jade harshly interrupts that process: "Get to the point."

He does: "We are smoking pot. I wondered if you want to come, too."

For a few seconds or for ages, it's silent on the other end, then: "You are stoned?"

She sounds weird. Thoughtful. Disappointed? She should be. "I am. I'm sorry."

"I don't care," Jade promptly claims.

"But we promised to always get stoned together."

"We didn't," Jade says.

They did, didn't they? There is a promise between them around smoking weed. What else could it be? "What did we promise?"

Again, Jade is silent at first, then: "Nothing. And you do remember we broke up, right?"

They did, didn't they? They were fighting and then she left and everything was over. But why? It makes no sense. "Why?"

Jade sounds bewildered and angry again: "Why? I..." But she stops, seems to overthink it, then: "Is there still pot left?"

"No," Beck answers, but he wants Jade to come because they promised something, and if she comes she wants to smoke some too, so he quickly adds: "But I bet we can get some more if you want to come." And actually: "I think I should also smoke more. I think I start to sober up."

And that feels so damn heavy. He doesn't want to feel like that. He doesn't want to be back to normal. It hurts.

"Are you at Andre's?" Jade checks.

Well, he hasn't told her that just now, has he? He has only said he's hanging out with the guys. But... this is so her. Of course she knows. "How do you always know everything?"

Jade doesn't answer his question, instead: "Try to not speak too much. Don't say you called me. When I show up, just agree to everything I say."

And with that, Jade hangs up, leaving Beck quite happy. She will come for him.

.

.

Jade is incredibly angry. How does he dare call her of all people? How does he dare act like they are all fine? How does he dare aks "why" after her reminding him of their break-up?

She isn't sure if he asked because he doesn't see anything wrong with calling her in a situation like this despite the break-up, or if he asked why they broke up. It irks her either way. They are already broken up for four months now after all.

She doesn't feel at all like seeing him. Now more than she would've before their phone call. But... She did sort of promise him something. She did promise to babysit him in situations like these. She shouldn't feel obligated to that sort of promise anymore, after they are broken up. It's his own fault anyway for smoking weed. He knows himself what it does to him.

He always gets weirdly serious sobering up. He described it to her as a heavy feeling one time, something that almost forces him to just tell about his real feelings. He has one time almost started with their friends around, almost told them, but she has taken him away from them. Which he has thanked her for afterwards, because he also doesn't feel the need to tell everyone about all his feelings. Espcially possibly in an exaggarated form or also confessing how often he actually makes a little fun of their friends with Jade or alike. They don't need to know absolutely everything.

Maybe, she should just let Beck run with it now. There is a good possibility of him also sharing details of their relationship then, but what does she care? She may be private, but she also doesn't care when people talk about her. She can still kill Beck afterwards if he would share something too private – and naturally threaten all the other guys with him to not tell anyone else, which they then never would dare to do.

It's his own fault in any case. He probably didn't guess someone would bring weed when he talked to Andre about meeting up with some of the guys at Andre's in school, which Jade overheard. Andre and Roy finished up their semester music project and therefore invited the guys for a small party at this school night. Which is idiotic enough, but of course someone also had to bring drugs. Beck still could have said no to it when someone pulled the joint out.

But that's so Beck. Just going with it.

Well, and she did promise. She knows how horrified he would be if he would wake up tomorrow and realize all the things he shared. He may deserve it, but... anyway.

She takes her mother's car and drives up to Andre's.

.

.

Maybe, he should tell Andre about Jade. Andre is a good friend. He's sorry that he doesn't tell him everything.

No, it's not like he has real secrets. He prides himself on not having any. But... It's also not like he talks about his feelings all that much if he can help it. Those are also sometimes even a secret to him, so it's not like he's keeping them secret from other people, but they are keeping themselves secret from him. They are only surprisingly clear every time, he's stoned.

Maybe, he should talk about that with Andre. Andre is a great friend and always talks to him about everything, too.

The same goes for Robbie, actually. He probably should tell both of them and not even care about the other guys there as well. He should thank them for being amazing friends and apologize for not being a good enough friend to them, though he always tries so hard, wants to be a good person, wants to please everyone. He should tell them that he isn't sharing as much as he possibly should as a good friend.

He should thank them now, because soon enough, he will close up again, disconnected to his own feelings, the weight of the world back on his shoulders. He knows that his sober self doesn't want him to do this. To talk about his feelings. He knows his sober self will be embarrassed. But... damn. He should tell, shouldn't he? With the weight of the world coming back to him so heavily...

Jade never understood what he meant with that, didn't get that feeling sobering up. But Andre and Robbie can possibly feel it now, too. And maybe, it would feel easier for them to carry it, if he tells them how much they mean to him.

But now he's thinking about Jade again. Jade who told him not to speak too much. He doesn't want to disappoint her. He can't disappoint her. He already did that way too often, already hurt her way too much.

He gets drawn out of his endless thoughts that seem to exist out of time and space, when the doorbell rings.

Andre goes to open it and Beck can hear the all familiar voice, as soon as Andre has opened the door: "Where is Beck?"

"Uhm," Andre starts and then, because he isn't just going to rat out Beck, being the good friend he is: "What are you doing here?"

But Jade already charges past him into the living room, where all of them are sitting, saying: "Searching for that stupid idiot."

Okay, she obviously didn't come to smoke weed with them. Not that anything is left, but anyway... Beck also does know better; does know why she's here.

He looks to her confused anyway, because of her sudden entrance, as she stops in front of him and says: "You said you would finally give me back the rest of my stuff. But no, you are here, doing whatever."

He may know why she's here, but he's distracted from that now. She seems seriously angry and... did he really forget to meet her or something?

He doesn't remember saying he would give her the rest of her stuff back. He totally still has some of her things in his RV. She has taken most of it right after their break-up, but he stumbles over more of her things all the time.

He doesn't know if she knows. He actually is sure they haven't talked about it and she never asked for the stuff back. And he is sure to have called her at home a few minutes ago, though that feels like ages ago – she also hasn't accused him of something alike during all that.

"I'm sorry, Jade," he says anyway, because he is sorry for whatever Jade is angry about. He might think she isn't angry because of him not being there to give her her stuff back, but she is angry for something.

And his mind finally catches up. He has realized after they talked on the phone that Jade indeed did promise him something. At least in a way. She will have taken it that way. That she promised him to never let him embarrass himself after smoking weed. And because she's perfect and wonderful, she now actually came, to keep her promise. That's also why she told him not to talk too much.

He has known she would come after his realization after the phone call. He now understands that she even has a story ready to protect him even more. She knows he doesn't really want anyone to know he gets weird when he sobers up from drugs. So, she now not only keeps him from showing his weird side, but even acts like he doesn't have that weird side at all and pretends that there is a totally other reason why she's here and dragging him out.

"Get out and in my car," she demands and he promptly stands up to obey.

Andre quickly steps in between. "Whoa. Is this really necessary? Can't he give it back to you tomorrow?"

Jade pulls a pair of scissors out of nowhere and holds it threateningly into Andre's direction which makes him quickly step back. Then, she grabs Beck's arm with her free hand, pulls him past her and then pushes him further, as she says to Andre: "Shut up or I'll make you." And then directed at Beck: "Get in my car. I will destroy your RV if you don't come with me right now."

Beck isn't afraid and not just because he's still stoned. He never is afraid of Jade.

He still leaves as told, with Jade following him, and quickly sits down on the passenger's seat of her mother's car.

She also gets in and starts the car without further ado. They don't talk while she gets out of the drive-way onto the street, but then he has to ask her, carefully: "Was I really supposed to give you the rest of your stuff back?"

He just wants to make sure. Not that he has somehow forgotten and she is angry at him because of that. Though he's pretty sure she just pretends they agreed on that for him to be able to leave Andre's place. He would've known not to ask if he was completly sober by now.

"No, idiot. Now don't talk to me anymore."

He's glad that that means he is allowed to keep the rest of her stuff. He loves having it around.

He doesn't say so, because Jade just told him to not talk to her anymore. Instead, he closes his eyes. He feels so tired and so damn comfortable. He breathes in Jade's scent and knows he hasn't felt safer in ages. But right now, everything is great and perfect and nothing can hurt him.

.

He's almost asleep, when Jade pulls the car into his parents' driveway. Jade has barely stopped the car, when she already commands: "Get out."

"I'm so exhausted," he says though. And he would love to just keep being in this car, with Jade, driving through the night.

"Get out!" Jade repeats herself, but now she's opening her door as well. She gets out herself, while he still isn't moving, walks around the car and then also pulls his door open violently, before she says again: "Get out!"

Now, he does get out and Jade grabs him by his arm again and drags him to the RV. He unlocks the door himself and is somehow happy when Jade still doesn't let go of his arm while she pushes him inside.

He gets distracted though by his phone making a sound in his pocket. He pulls it out while Jade suddenly pushes him to the bed, finally letting go off him.

But now, he's into his phone, as he falls down on the bed. The alert has been a text he has gotten by Andre, asking him if he should call the ambulance or the cops in case, Jade and Beck have gotten into a fight again and it escalated or something.

Beck knows it isn't meant totally serious. Andre is good guy. And a good friend.

"I should call Andre and tell him that you only came because I called you," he says. "He is a good friend, you know." And he deserves the truth.

"I know," Jade easily answers, but before Beck can even get close to pushing the button to call Andre, Jade takes the phone of his hands. "And I'll take that."

To keep him from embarrassing himself. Because even after everything that happened between them, she protects him.

"You are an even better friend though," he says and out of the depth of his heart: "I miss you so much."

Jade doesn't even look him in the eye, instead she now grabs the remote control for the TV, while she says: "Shut up."

"No, it's true, Jade," he says, because it is. He hasn't realized until now how damn much he misses her. "I miss you every second of my life. I miss you talking to me and you lying in my arms and you..."

He doesn't get any further.

"Seriously, shut up!" Jade harshly interrupts. Okay, he should shut up if Jade says it like that.

She has turned the TV on by now, flips through a few channels, until she finds something she deems watchable, then she puts the remote control away again. "Stay. Watch. Sleep."

Of course, she finds him something to do, while he still feels this way. So it's even more improbable that he wanders off or turns on his laptop to contact anyone through that. Of course, she takes care of him in this way.

He feels like he looks at her for ages, while she puts the remote control away. Like he has so much time to see and appreciate how perfect Jade truly is. That she is here and even protects him now and just... god.

"Life is so hard without you, Jade," he confesses. "I feel so lost."

Jade only glances at him for a second, then: "I'm leaving now. Don't follow me. Just stay here."

"Okay," he answers because he knows that she knows what's best for him. So he will do what she says.

While she leaves, he spreads out on his bed and takes a deep breath. Then, he notices the pillow in the corner of his bed. Jade's pillow that she hasn't taken with her when she got her stuff, that both of them forgot to be hers at first. He has realized by now that it isn't actually his.

He takes it now and curls up around it, hugging it, taking another deep breath, wishing there would still be some of Jade's scent in it.

.

.

.

He feels mortified when he wakes up the next morning. He is glad his alarm (for which he luckily has a seperate clock, which isn't just on his phone which Jade has seriously taken with her) wakes him at all. It's a school day after all.

God, and what idiot brings joints to a small party on a school night? Well... What idiot agrees to smoke them?

But a more pressing question haunts him as soon as he wakes up: What did he do? He wishes he remembers falsely, but he knows he doesn't. He really, really is an idiot.

He immediately sees Jade as soon as he walks into school. She also can only just have arrived, earlier than usual. Maybe, to set him straight, to scream a little at him. He would deserve it.

He knows he has to talk to her sooner or later. She still has his phone. Hopefully. Maybe, she also threw it away or destroyed it or something. Damn.

Well. But he also wants to speak to her a little bit. He's scared like hell, but... It's not like he lied when he told her he missed her or that he feels lost without her. He just didn't say the whole truth, which is that he also still loves her. He doesn't know if he should say that, but...

She was there. Jade came to his rescue like always. Is that only because she's a good friend to those she deems worth to be her friends and because still keeps close what they had, or is that because she also still loves him? Wasn't she able to look into his eyes when he told her how lost he truly feels without her, because she feels the same, but didn't want to talk to him about it while he was stoned?

If they both miss each other, if they both feel lost without each other, if they still love each other after four months apart... shouldn't they try to fix their relationship then? To fix themselves and each other?

Even before he opens his locker, he sees that his phone is actually in it. Of course. Jade knows the combination to open it. He has never told her, but she watched him opening it once and has known since then and used it occasionally for the weirdest stuff. Anyway...

He now takes his phone out as he decides to directly talk to her. Yeah, he's scared but better doing it directly than still thinking about it during his next few classes.

He closes his locker again, his phone in hand, and walks through the hall to her.

She notices him walking up, but only glances to him, before she looks back into her own locker.

"Thanks," he says, shortly showing his phone though he doesn't only say thanks for her giving that back to him. There is so much more that he is tankful for to her for last night.

"Don't talk about it," she says.

Well, but they should talk about it, right? There is at least one thing he has to say: "I'm sorry."

For just calling her, for having her protect him again, for saying those things to her while he was stoned, when he is barely ever able to say that stuff while he 's sober. It was all fine when they were a couple, it isn't anymore.

She claps the door of her locker shut, cocking an eyebrows at him: "What did I just say?"

And with that, she leaves, seeming angry again. Not that he can blame her. He is an idiot.

Though... He leans against the locker next to hers. If she doesn't want to talk about it at all... If she doesn't care to hear him talk about why he said what he said... That means she doesn't love him, does it? She would've reacted differently otherwise, wouldn't she have? Shouldn't she have?

And suddenly, he feels so heavy like every time when he's sobering up. Just that this time he can't hope for it to go away soon, when he's completely sober again.

.

.

She doesn't want to hear any of it. She doesn't want him to apologize and tell her that he didn't mean it. That he doesn't miss her in that sense, doesn't love her though maybe that was implied.

She knows it's not like he can only speak the truth while he's stoned. Instead, he is weirdly taken by her whenever it occurs. But he also hasn't said the truth about his parents the first time for example. He gets hung up on small things and then projects a seriousness onto them that's unneccessary.

But even if he spoke the truth about missing her... and yes, she felt like it was true and like him still loving her was also somehow there... She does think sometimes, he still loves her. But what does that help?

Maybe, he has only noticed he still loved her while he was stoned. It's not like he's very attentive to his own feelings. Maybe, being stoned has made some things clear to him. But that still doesn't mean he wants to be with her again. And she definitely won't stand him telling her that he does miss and love her but that he still doesn't want to be together ever again.

She has given him that easy way out four months ago, leaving Tori's house herself and counting down for him to follow or not, to avoid exactly that kind of talk. He has definitely loved her back then, and still, he was annoyed by their relationship and wasn't happy by it anymore. She didn't want to hear that, didn't want to hear him apologize and say that he feels just as bad about it.

She also doesn't want to hear it now. She thinks that they could make it work again. She is even sure about it. Yes, they would need to talk, but she could only stand that if they are both sure that they want to do everything to stay together, that they actually will stay together, without the danger of him deciding he doesn't want to do that anymore. If she starts talking to him now, she probably will get hurt.

But... well... While she sits in her next class, she wonders if maybe she is unfair by not letting him talk about it at all. He definitely wanted to say more than thanks and sorry earlier. Maybe, he does feel the same as she does.

On the other hand... she really can't ask him what he thinks when she has to be afraid of him saying he doesn't want to go there with her anymore. She doesn't want to hear him say it.

Maybe though, there is another possibility. She gave him a way out where they didn't have to talk about it. She can also give him a way back in. And if he takes it, they can still talk about everything, in private, both of them very much sober, without her having to be afraid of hearing things she doesn't ever want to hear him say.

So, a week later she performs at the Full Moon Jam. When he tells her he missed her afterwards, fully concious, she doesn't tell him to shut up. She asks him what he's going to do about it. When their lips finally meet again, she knows, it's not just her that's totally relieved.


End file.
